Not Your Typical Mother’s Day Message

I’ll do my utmost not to project my feelings here, but as you will see, mother’s day has a unique meaning to me. My lived and learned experiences have shaped my feelings towards mothers day and have led me to approach mothers day in a different light than the traditional, store-bought card. 

First and foremost, Mother’s Day is an opportunity to honour the motherly figures in our lives. Whether you’re a daughter, son, partner or friend of a strong maternal figure — or someone who has naturally adopted that role within their own family or friendship circles — it’s essential to recognise and acknowledge the impact of mothers (in whatever shape or form they take) on our lives. 

It can be as simple as making breakfast in bed or sending a text – but whatever tribute we pay this day, let us remember that at its core, Mother’s Day is about recognition and appreciation. It’s a reminder to practise gratitude for all the people in our life who have nurtured us, loved us unconditionally or taught us valuable lessons along the way – whether they are biological relatives or not. 

I have also chosen to mother myself this mother’s day. Self-reflection and self-care are activities that I make time for year round but taking a moment on mothers day to honour the unique journey of my life can be especially powerful. Particularly if you’re a mother yourself, or play a maternal role for someone, there’s value in honouring yourself and identifying what you would love to do this mother’s day. Let me explain:

Honouring and Recognising

There is no blanket rule for mother’s day, and how could there be? There are however common themes, particularly ones that have come to the surface when I’ve been fortunate enough to engage with those around me and with those in our Awake Academy Tribe.

This week, I was blessed to sit down with Tess, my co-founder of Awake Academy, for a mother’s day yarn, where we explored some of the emotions that come to the surface around mother’s day and how we can all consider how to celebrate.

The natural starting point is the feeling of needing to plan the perfect day for the mother’s in our lives. We want to celebrate, honour and recognise our mothers. Duh.  Even though there are many interpretations of a ‘mother’, we all have a maternal mother, or want to be a mother, or are supporting a mother, or are missing our mother, and mother’s day is a wonderful, yearly reminder to appreciate those figures in our lives, and honour them. 

The problem is, we tend to be prescriptive about how we go about celebrating our mothers. As Tess said in our Mother’s Day Catch Up:

“I have a close group of dear friends and mothers who are all so helpful in sharing our learnings about being mothers. When we were talking about mother’s day, I asked them: ‘What do you really want on mother’s day?’ Because I think, as a mother, we often end up doing what other people want us to do, And that’s the ultimate act of motherhood – selflessness.”

“So we tend to give our families the day that they think they should give us on mother’s day.”

“For my group of friends and mothers, it was quite unanimous in what we are looking for: “A quick morning hug. Maybe breakfast, definitely coffee. And then leave me alone haha!”

And that’s not selfish. As Tess pointed out, Mother’s day should be about what our mother’s want, and for Tess, she’d prefer to have a decision free day, to spend time with her friends, to spend time with her family, and have a bit of a break from the fatigue of making so many decisions every other day.

Mother’s day is more than a celebration

Not everyone experiences joy and celebration on mothers day. For some, mother’s day is a day of loss and grief.

I’ve had many mothers in my life and career and not in the typical way that a mother is often thought of. 

My adoptive mother died when I was six, due to a brain haemorrhage. My stepmother died when I was 31, due to breast cancer. My biological mother, who I met at the age of 27, passed away six years ago due to ovarian cancer. All of my mothers died in their 60’s and it has led me to associate motherhood with loss. 

If you’re someone who is supporting or celebrating women who’ve experienced loss or grief and may not be celebrating mother’s day in the typical way, here is a way to approach the topic this Sunday:

Ask them how they’re feeling. They’ll likely respond with: “FINE.” 

Then just sit with them and express how you appreciate that this day represents loss for them, and ask them if they want to talk about it. 

Let them know they have your support and recognise that it can be a sad day. Do your best to avoid projecting onto them by grandstanding and saying, ‘I know this day is hard for you…’. Just support them with acknowledgement that the day means different things to everyone and let them know if they want to share their feelings about the journey they’ve been on, and hold some space open for that discussion.

Honour yourself

There are many relationships people have with mothers, including the mother you have, a father who was your mother, your best friend’s mum who took care of you, the family who raised you, the coach who was there for you when you needed it most. And then there’s yourself. For the mothers reading this particularly, honour yourself by honouring what you love to do. 

This takes courage, because it requires self-reflection. To go within and identify the emotions you feel and the things you love to do is no easy task. That is why it’s one of the key aspects (in fact, the very first round) of our Own Your Truth Course – being able to honour your emotions. To sit with them. Feel them. Accept them.

Break out your journal and explore your emotions. Ask yourself: ‘why do I feel this way? What is the story I have created around this emotion and is that story true? What do I need to do to shift this feeling?’

So on this mother’s day, have the courage to self-reflect and identify the things you Love Love Love to do. To put my money where my mouth is, here’s what I will be doing this mother’s day:

1. Honouring my father – I’ll be writing a mother’s day card to my dad who has been my mother and raised me and my brother from the age of six.
2. Honouring mother ocean by going for a surf – because mother ocean played a major role in teaching me. She taught me to surrender. She taught me to allow myself to be embraced. And she also taught me to connect with how I feel and own it.
3. Waiting for my phone call and card from Tess, who honours me as the mother earth (see our mother’s day chat video above to understand).
4. Honouring the mothers that I love – I’ll be reaching out to the women who have been influential in my life and played a role in nurturing and supporting me. 
5. Honouring myself – I’ll be finding time for the things I love, so I get to double up with surfing here! I also journal about mother’s day. I took the time on the 1st of May to extensively journal about my feelings heading into this mother’s day, to ensure I sat with my emotions and acknowledged them. (May 1st was the anniversary of my biological others death)

Mother’s day is the perfect opportunity to honour those relationships and thank them for their love, support and guidance. For the mothers who are reading this, why not also use this special day as an opportunity to thank yourselves? How often do we allow ourselves time out of the spotlight? To practise self-care and self-love without feeling guilty or selfish? This Mother’s Day I challenge you to have the courage to self-reflect, practice mothering yourself and find time for the things you love to do.

You’ve got this! 

Layne xx