Not another acronym …

False. Experiences. Appearing. Real. Fear.

I know what you’re thinking. Another acronym that I’ve seen three-quarters of a million LinkedIn posts about. What about the deep seeded implications of this message?

Out of the plethora of often misunderstood acronyms out there, F.E.A.R is one of my favourites. Why? Because it reduces fear down to exactly what it is. It perfectly describes how fear appears in our minds and our lives. 

Would you like to know what the biggest incubator of F.E.A.R is? An overly-negative internal dialogue. This is when we begin to create stories in our head that are untrue, but feel real in the moment.

Of course, there are very real fears, for example, fear of being shot if someone is holding a gun to your head.

The majority of our fears, however, are stories we have manufactured in our minds that validate us, keep us feeling safe and prevent us from feeling pain, hurt or suffering.

Ironically, these same stories can cause more pain, hurt and suffering if they are always the headline act directing the show, as it inhibits us from rising to new challenges.

We all have fears and anxieties that arise from our internal dialogue. What we tell ourselves can have a profound impact on how we see the world and how we go about making decisions and navigating through life.

Having an awareness of F.E.A.R can help us to manage it and identify when our own thoughts are creating fear within us that doesn’t exist outside of our mind – allowing us to reframe our thinking and approach things logically.

Allow me to give you an example.

What do you choose to hear?

In 2015 I was honoured by being presented with the opportunity to become Chair of Surfing Australia.

F.E.A.R immediately entered my internal dialogue. My mind was rife with rational-lies I often rely on to validate myself, primarily based on past experiences.

My internal dialogue tried to sell me: “I’m not smart enough. I don’t have the time. I don’t have the knowledge. It’s called ChairMAN for a reason.”

All of these reasons belong in the past and if they go unnoticed and unchallenged they result in a manifested reality which drags the past into the present yet again.

Once I tuned into the internal dialogue, I excused myself from the table, found a quiet space to collect my thoughts, took a deep breath and brought myself back to the present moment to ask:  “Why do I want to accept this role?”

“The excitement of creating a legacy, giving back to the sport and expanding my knowledge and network.”

These reasons inspired me to get out of my own way and accept the role.

Fortunately, I realised I was allowing my past to define my future, which was sabotaging the present moment.

When you tune into your inner dialogue, and assess where/how/why F.E.A.R is being given a platform, you empower yourself to make rational choices.

Do you publish the “shitty-first drafts”?

You can’t change what you can’t see, so stop for a moment, take a deep breath, tune into your thoughts. Determine if they are self-limiting or self-sabotaging, if so, change the channel.

Anger, blame, criticism and despair are the obvious signs of negative dialogue.

I’ve personally had to learn this lesson throughout my career. Whenever I was faced with a challenge, fear would sometimes creep in and try to stop me from taking action or even believing in myself that I could succeed. It took some time for me to identify when F.E.A.R was getting the better of me and to reframe my thinking in order to move onwards and upwards.

F.E.A.R can be a subtle voice that requires constant examination, self-awareness and the strength to shine a light on the darkness within. The stories we tell ourselves matter more than we like to accept, so don’t let the “shitty first drafts” (as Brené Brown calls it) become the narrative that you live your life by.

I’ll leave you with two questions to turn on your inner dialogue the next time it decides to intrude on your positive thoughts:

• What is currently driving you and your choices?
• Is the fear you feel rational? (Is it based on real-life experience, or is it a story your inner dialogue has created?)

Keep Evolving,

Layne Xmen,